ak xmo bunuh diri!!!!

salam n hai sume..

korg ap kabar?..alhamdulillah ak stkt ni msh sehat..huhu..
xde ap sgt nk citer sbb dh bnyk bnda ak t'lupa nk update..
tp mgkin ad s/ting yg ak nk citer sgt..

1 day ak jmpe dgn s/one..dia mmg ensem gler n mmg taste ak r..1st time jmpe plu yg btul2 taste ak..haih..mulany,ak mmg xde niat nk heavy2 dgn dia..so,xde bli r pape protection..besany ak leh r kawal dgn plu2 len..tp kli ni mmg ak xleh kawal..sbb dia mmg ensem taste ak..adeh..then dia pun xleh nk kawal..

ap lg,ktorg pun heavy2 r..xde protection..haih..sdeh gler ak..ak jd tkot pstu..ak nk wat test hiv bln dpn..ak cuak..tp xtau nk wat ap..

mamat tu lak,asyik puji2 ak..adeh..mne x stim wei..1st time tu org ckp bdn ak sedap..sume org akn rse dihrgai klo org tu leh terima kte se adany kn?huhu..ntah la..

then,hr ni..(sblm ak update blog) ak usha2 fb org..ad satu short film psl plu..mmg sdeh..tjukny STARCROSSED..korg leh tgk kt utube..sinopsisny:adik badik jtuh cnta sesama s'diri..then mak ayah dpt tau..dorg lari n bunuh diri..
Ya Allah..tersentak ak tgk vid tu..trus ak nanges..ak xmo bunuh diri..huhu.ak cume nk ad s/one yg leh syg ak seadany..ak xde nafsu kt pmpuan..ak xtau npe.klo ak ditakdirkn ak t'kena hiv..(na'uzubillah)..ak xmo bunuh diri..tp biar r mati ak nti dlm husnul khatimah..ak slalu doa cmtu..xtau r makbul ke x..:(

haih...nape la situasi plu cmni ek?haih..nk persoalkn bnyk2 nti jd dosa lak..ble pendamkn sorg2..sakit woo..ak mmg perit menahan perasaan n dark side of my life ni..astaghfirullah..ampunilah aku..:(

kt bwh ni,shortfilm tu..klik aje klo nk tgk

life goes on..:)

Salam sume..pekabar?hrp2 sume sehat alhamdulillah..

ak pun sehat lg..alhamdulillah nikmat Allah bg bnyk..kn2??...hehe

cume nk ngarut je kt entry kli ni..sbb dh lupe sume bnda nk citer..haha

ak cume nk kongsi p'alman ak mse cuti deepavali n awal Muharam hr tu..xde la best sgt,biasa jer..citerny:..ak g slh satu resort kt pahang..tmpt tu sgt t'kenal dgn kolam air yg bsr n agak dlm..memandangkn ak ni suke swim,mmg best sgt la mandi2 kt kolam tu..hehe..mse 1st day smpai,ak dh g terjun msuk kolam 3 meter..hahha..leh dikatakn x rmai yg tau proper swim ways..so,ak pun mula r menunjukkn skil ak..haha..smbil2 nk ngorat jantan le tew..adeh..haha..

then,sorg lifeguard terjun msk kolam,mandi2 dgn pengunjung2 yg len..perh,mmg pndai dia swim..stamina pun ad...jeles lak ak..haha..plg best,ensemny dia tu!!!!haha..ak pun swim la dkt2 dgn dia..then borak2 same..dia pun citer r p'alamn dia slmtkn org kt kolam tu n tnjukkn beberapa cara utk slmtkn org2 yg nk lemas..hebat dow dia..siyes ak jeles..haha..

esk ny,ak swim lg,borak2 dgn dia lg..bnyk bnda r dia citer..memndangkn dia bdk kmpung situ,so,dia cume citer psl life dia ajela..ak pun lyn..ak suke dgr citer2 n p'alaman org nih..hehe..sian gak pun ad..ak pun smpai xsangka dia leh citer psl bekas awek dia..in short,dia cume kate; dia xde awek dh skrg..umo pun dh 32 thn.(tp siyes nmpk muda,fit n ensem..haih..haha)..ak pun rse mcm terharu jerk sbb dia xde sape2 utk dikahwini..huhu..

tbe2 dia citer psl PLU..dia citer yg ad sorg staf kt situ yg gay..suke raba2 dia..dia mcm jijik r..(adeh..melepas r ak..haha)..plus dia ckp,dia geli dgn gay2 nih..haha..

kbetulan mlm tu ad match bola mesia lwn vietnam..(seri)..ak tgk kt lobi otel je sbb kt bilk guest xde cenel tuh..haha..lps hbs tgk bola,ak  g rayau sorg2 kt area resort tu amik angin..(sbnrny nk usha mamat lifeguard tu..haha)..ak pun lepak r kt podok pengawal dpn resort..mse tu kbtulan mamat lifeguard tu dtg n sembang2 dgn kwn2 dia (pengawal) kt situ..ak pun ap lg la..trus la msuk line borak2..haha..tbe2 ble dia nk bla,dia mntk no hp ak..perh!!!ak pun ap lg...pucuk dicta ulam m'dtg la..haha..ak bg no ak kt dia..br la ak tau nme dia..hhee..

then,eskny ak cek out..ak try call dia..(sje nk ucap slmt tgl)..dia xagkt..ak msj pun dia xbls..hmm..xpela..dia kn STRAIGHT guy..so,mmg xkn bls r msj2 laki...haha..so,dat;s it la..xde ap pun..:)

hmm..mmg terasa best mse tu..terasa yg ak ni wujud n mudah mesra dgn org..klo dlu,xde sape pun nk mntk no ak..haha..tbe2 ad org mntk no hp..secebis perasaan yg dicipta utk ak oleh NYA..alhamdulillah..:)

peculiar things of me..hmm

Salam n hi kt sume..
kli ni mmg btul2 dh lme sgt ak x update..huhu..bkn ap,maybe makin kurg passion dh nk cont blog ni..hehe..

kli ni, ak cume nk citer psl ap yg b'laku keliling ak dr kaca mata sorg PLU kt dunia milik Allah ni..:)
pttny ad mcm2 bnda nk citer,tp bnyk yg dh terlupa..adeh..hahhaha...maybe ak just nk citer psl my view on myself after comparing myself with others..huhu..for info guys,alhamdulillah, skrg ak dpt kje..kontrak aje,tp ok la drpd xde langsung..:)..

sory to say,ak ni mmg suke tgk sekeliling,especially tgk mamat ensem..hahhaahha..maklum la,ak kn xensem..huhu..ble ak tgk dorg ni,msti ak akn terpikir psl ak yg bkn mcm dorg tu..i mean,dorg tu mcm perfect..hahaha..ak ni lak,biasa aje.haha..

peculiar things of me...
1) ketinggian ak xmcm org len yg average 170..ak ni tngi 180 woo..haha..sbb tu la xlaku..haha

2) w/pun ak tngi,rmai yg ckp ak ni leh men mcm2 sukan..tp sbnrny ak KAKI BANGKU (ssh utk ak men bola..haha)

3) tgn n jari ak pun pjg..hahaha..mse skolah dlu org pnah pgl tgn pjg..adeh..huhu.

4) alhamdulillah ak dilahirkn sempurna, cume ad bhgn2 fizikal bdn ak yg pelik..haha...w/pun ak kurus,tp ak ssh nk wat shape bdn or  6 pack..maybe sbb ak ad hip yg lebar..ad gak lemak kt bwh perut tu..huhu..for info waist ak 33-34 tau..huhu..tp ak xgemuk!!!..huhu..

5) sjk kecik (8 thn) ak kne pkai spek mata..haha..dan ak bknny ad mslh rabun..tp sebab juling air..hmm

6) ak ad ukuran dada yg lebar..alhamdulillah ak suke,tp ak ad gak diameter puting yg lebar n itam..hmm..kdg2 malu gak nk bkk baju..sbb x mcm puting org len..adeh..tu semula jadi tau!!!

7) rambut ak keras mcm dawai..:(...dlu rmbut ak elok je mse kecik2..(ak tgk kt pic2 lme) fmili ak pun ckp yg rmbut ak dlu kemas je...tp skrg,dh xmcm dlu..xtau la nape,maybe asyik bnyk berpikir kot..huhu...

8) plg ak rse rendah diri ialah muke ak..mmg bnyk jerawat sjk skolah menengah..skrg tgl parut je..tp stil,org akn nmpk parut tu..huhu..ble ak nk usha2 org je msti ak sorok or tndukkn muke..malu dow..:(..bg ak, sape2 yg cumel msti disayangi..haha..tp,ak bkn la di klgn yg cumel2 tu..huhu..t'ingin gak jd cumel/ensem n disayangi/disukai..haha..opismate ak sorg tu cumel..sume akak suke dia..boss pun suke dia..mcm BLUE EYE BOY la utk dept ktorg..huhu..

9) emosi ak kdg x menentu..maybe ak ad split personaliti la..huhu..kdg2 ak leh jd sgt baek..kdg2 ak leh jd panas baran..kdg2 ak leh jd epi, tp kdg2 ak akn rse sgt down n sdeh (especially ble org rejek ak sbb tgk muke ak..)..huhu..plus,ak pun t'pksa sembunyikn PLU life ak..:(..so,mmg la ad split personaliti kn?nk cover dr org rmai..huhu

10) ak suke wat bdn..shape bdn..bnyk gak effort ak try..beli brg2 gym ckit..minum protein bagai..simple workout b4 g kje hr2..dh dkt 2 thn ak shape bdn,tp bdn ak biasa2 je..but alhamdulillah la,sbb dlu ak gemuk .huhuskrg ni at least,ak kurus la kn?..hmm

kesimpulanny,spjg ak xupdate blog ni,ak hany jlnkn rutin ak..motif idup ak adlh utk m'jd lbh baek dr seblmny..mcm2 impian ak yg lum terlaksana..sekurg2ny ak nk jd mcm org len..yg rse diri mereka tu sempurna n mampu utk jd sempurna..skrg ni, ak xrse yg ak ni sempurna (dr sudut pdgn dunia atau dr sudut pdgn Tuhan..huhu) dan ak rse ak xmmpu nk jd sempurna..kje tetap pun xde lg wei..huhu..pape pun,fokus ak utk short term ni adlh; ak nk dptkn kje tetap..nk ad keta s'diri..nk ad duet s'diri..nk sara parents ak ckit2..huhu..

smbil2 tu dgr la lagu ni..:)..dia mmg ensem kn2?..hehe..yg pnting,dgr lirikny..:)

noting much but almost everything

salam n hai...

lme gler ak x update..bnyk exams hr tuh..plus,dh nk grad..plus,cr kje..xde ap sgt pun nk update...
cume...ak nk citer yg ak kno s/one (in virtual) kt fb..mmg baek la dia...cara dia chat pun ak suke..hehe..kn bgus klo dpt bf cmtu..haih..

tu la sbb ak x update cni dh..sbb bz chat dgn dia..wah..mcm date lak..haahaa..(bole la..virtual date)..hmm..i wish..

tp,dia terlalu sempurna la utk ak..mustahil la kn?..hahaa..xpela..just chat jela yg mmpu pun..
cumeny,smlm ad ckit la clash....sbb ak jmpe abg agkt ak..haih...xmo la citer pjg2 cni..sbb xde mud pun skrg..:(...sdeh gler kot..mmg nanges n xleh tdo pikir psl tuh..

at d end, i m d looser..naive....arghhhh..hate of being myself...

k la guys...ingtla org tersyg n hargailah dorg (klo ad la..)..ak ni..mmg slalu lonly..use to..huhu..bye guys..

wassalam

d making of..mimpi yg sempurna

"aku gemar memerhatikan insan-insan yang pada wajah mereka terpancar ketenangan, pada percakapan indah seribu bahsa dan pada perlakuan tertib tidak tercela....."

salam n hai again...sblm mula pape..tlg klik audiao kt ats tu..plz2..:)

ok..ap kaitan tjuk blog ni dgn my story kli ni?haha..post kli ni pun utk jwb certain thing yg dipersoalkn kt ak..haha..

1)ad org kate,ak ni mudah sgt nk baek dgn org..nk kwn dgn org n mudah sgt nk feeling dgn org..haha..adoi..hakikatny,sume2 tu berbeza....

ak mmg mudah caye kt org n wat baek kt org..w/pun lum knal lme..kdg2 org tu wat taik pun ak wat baek..haih..pelik dan naif sungguh..huhu..ak xtau nape..tp,ak diajr utk wat baek je..xdiajr wat jht..:)

mmg ak pun mudah nk kwn dgn org..ak x bnyk kwn sgt..sbb tu ak suke cr kwn2 br..xkesah la in actual or in virtual..dan ak treat kwn2 ak equally..xde nk pilih2 org ensem ke..xensem ke..sbbny;ak pun xensem..haha..tp,stil ad exception..yg psiko..ak tkot nk jmpe..huhuhu..plus..ak xmo knal org yg nk puaskn nafsu semata..ak dh serik woo..huhuhu..

psl feeling..hmm,i wud prefer to use word..admiring..ak mmg mudah admire kt s/one yg ak rse layak utk dihrgai..(sbb tu la dia disukai kn..haha)..hmm..honestly,ak mmg suke nk knal2 dgn org2 yg special..i mean,yg perfect pd pdgn org rmai la..yg gud looking..yg baek..yg peramah..plg best tgk doz persons yg slalu solat..hehe...wah..sweet2..

ni bkn feeling,tp suke tgk org2 cmni..dan suke nk m'dekatkn diri dgn org2 cmni..sbb,ak nk jd mcm dorg..yg bg kebnykn org,perfect..:)..ak pun nk bljr bnyk bnda dr dorg..especialy ttg idup dorg yg slalu bertuah..(pd pdgn ak la..)..ak cume anggap dorg2 ni (especialy yg actual person) as my guidance n abg2 or akak2..hehe..in fact,klo dorg senyum n tgur ak je pun,ak rse sgt dihrgai..sbb ad gak org perasan yg ak adlh sbhgn dr dorg..so,aptah lg klo doz persons yg wat baek dgn ak..btul x?..hehe..i repeat..it just a feeling of epiness n excitements dat i m being appreciated..;)

so..diz is only d making of my dream..dat is to be apreciated...a perfect dream..mmpi yg sempurna

2)some say..ap yg ak wat ni adlh utk sedapkn ati ak..i mean..pape aktiviti ak adlh utk sedapkn ati ak..i wud say:YES..ak join bnyk aktiviti n knal bnyk kwn sbb ak nk ilangkn rse lonly ak..huhu..(but still lonly la..)..huhu..

plus..p'alaman2 ak wat ak cuak utk hadapi akn dtg..ak pnah gak pts asa..hmm..tp alhamdulillah,ak ad msh Tuhan..ad agama..klo x..xtau ler..huhu..so,i m quoting myself again.... "dan pape aktiviti n rutin yg ak wat skrg is just to deviate me fr hurting myself;dat is to fall for s/one deeper..huhu"

vid bwh ni...d making of mimpi yg sempurna..new learner..hehe..

just wanna be a part of s/ting

salam hai sume..lme gak ak x update..nk msk musim exam..huhu..ni pun xleh lme2..hehe..nk stadi ckit..hehe..ok..kli ni,ak cume nk citer ttg ak..(as always la kn..haha)..

sume org nk jd yg terhebat among yg terhebat kn?..maybe ad yg xnk jd hebat..tp dia mmg dh dilahirkn utk jd hebat..haha..

ak ni xde la nk jd hebat..tp t'ingin gak la jd a part of them..yg kehadiran mrk dihrgai..yg ketiadaan mrk dirndui..dan pemergian mrk dirasai..;)..cumeny,ak bkn la spt mrk..haha

sbhgn org,xperlu pun nk equip themselves dgn skill2 or p'watakan org len utk jd hebat..dorg leh jd diri s'diri..sbb dorg mmg talented..

bg ak,d slightest talent yg dorg ad pun dh jd bakat bsr bg ak..huu..cthny,dorg pndai melukis pun ak kagum..sbby ak xreti melukis..haha..plus,rse jeles pun ad..hahaha..tp..xde la jeles smpai nk kacau org len..cume rse nk bljr bakat2 dorg tu..hehe..oh ye..ak ni xde bakat sgt dlm sukan berpasukan..so,kdg2 usha2 dorg men bola..badminton..tenis..squasy..kt stadium (mse ak jog)..t'detik la dlm ati ni..nk gak maen..huhu..tp,ak xde bakat sgt la..huhu

dlu,ak jeles gak tgk mamat2 slim fit ni..so..ak pun try la wat senam n b'sukan utk dptkn shape body..haha..ntah pape kn?..huhu..

ad gak usha swimmer kt stadium..t'ingin nk swim..then,ak sanggup bljr swim dgn kwn2 sume..hehe

pstu,ak suke tgk dorg ni lepak2 mlm2..huhu..sbbny,ak jrg sgt lepak mlm2 kuar dgn kwn2..so,ak pun cr la pape aktivit yg leh wat rmai kwn..hehe..

ak suke tgk org2 berpakaian smart n gud looking..so,ak pun tuka la cara ak b'pakaian..sanggup tu b'hbs duet..huhu...tp..xleh la jd gud looking mcm dorg..huhu

suke tgk mat2 moto n mat superbike..yg ni,ak xleh la nk wat ap..haha..ak ad moto jer..hahha..superbike tu,jaoh skali...nk bwk moto cluch pun ak xreti..haha..

hmm..klo jln2 kt mne2..then tpdg kapel2..either gay or str8 kapel..akn t'detik gak rse jelesny..huhu..s/time,ak ckp.."wah,sweetny dorg.."..hehe..t'ingin gak..haha..tp..xdpt ler..hmm

oh ye,plg pnting..ak sgt kagum dgn org2 pndai..so,ak ikut gak cara dorg bahagikn mse utk stadi..alhamdulillah..tu rezeki Allah..xleh la nk mntk lebih2 klo usaha pun cukup2 mkn..hehe

dan latest,ak suke tgk org men instrument..xkesah la pape instrument pun..so,ak pun tgh bljr men instrumen muzik..hahhha..GITAR..hahaha

cumeny,ak rse ak msh lum dpt jd part of them yg dihargai ni..yg ad rmai kwn2 ni..hmm..ntah la..rse mcm sia2 gak ak try bljr sume bnda ckit2..tp at d end..ak xde ap yg leh dibanggakn..sbb xde org yg nk bangga or hrgai ak..hmm..ntah la..
despite d hours i've spent for sport n healthiness,i m among d worst sportsmen n among doz who have sickness,
despite d time i've spent for studying,i never been listed as doz who are dean's list students,
despite d fren n new acquaintances i've knew n met, i m among doz who are still lonely n alone.hmm

xlayak ke ak nk jd sbhgn drpd sape2?..hmm..maybe kot.huhu..ak kn xde rupe..xde hrta..haha..kdg2 kwn kt tenet pun xmo kwn dgn ak..haha..ajk jmpe pun mcm ssh sgt..mcm la ak ni hina sgt..nk sex jer..ak bkn cmtu la..ak respek org len gak..hmm..

if i can't play ball,badminton or any..it doesn't mean dat i m not a sportman
if i m not a gymmer..it doesn't mean dat i can't be slim n fit
if i m not gud at pool..it doesn't mean dat i can't swim
if i m not as ensem as any one..it doesn't mean dat i m too ugly..:(
if i dun have s/one to hang out with..it doesn't mean dat i can't hang out with others
if i dun have a superbike..it doesn't mean dat i can't ride a bike..hehe..moto kapcai..haha
if i dun hve bf..it doesn't mean dat i can't find one..huhu..(really?huhu)
if i can't be d cleverest..it doesn't mean dat i m so stupid
if i can't play an instrument..it doesn't mean dat i can't be an artist..(seniman)

so..xde ap yg ak hrpkn..cume nk kwn2 yg iklas n leh tlg ajr ak bnyk perkara..just wanna be a part of s/ting..a part of u guys..hmm..

wassalam

baharu = baru

salam hai again..

korg tau x yg perkataan 'baru' dh ditukar semula kpd perkataan asal iaitu 'baharu'..so..skrg ni..klo nk ckp baju baru..kne ckp baju baharu..hahaha..xbape sedap..tp tu la hakikat..haha>>>>>ni selingan jer..hehe

ap yg ak nk smpaikn kli ni adlah..ak bljr bnda2 br sjk kblkgn ni..haha..

first..ak skrg tgh bljr men gitar?wat?ak s'diri pun xcaye..haaha..lawak pun ad gak.haha...ak mmg dh lme nk men instrumen..tp..mklum la..bnyk kekangan..hehe..kbtulan,kwn ak baru beli gitar letrik n amplifier..mmg satu set la..haha..pstu,dia lak ofer nk ajr ak men gitar...so..ak pun try la..hahha

ak kekok sbb xpenah pegang gitar pun..hhahahaa..kwn ak ckp,tgn mcm tgn robot mse straming..hahha..siot puny kwn..:p

pape pun,mmg best la..dpt ilmu baru..tp..ak br bljr kord basic dan kord lagu 'mmpi yg sempurna'..haha..lgu plg senang nk men..(tp ak stil xmahir2 lg)..haha..

secondly..ak dpt beberapa kwn bru lg..hehe..kwn bkn sbrg kwn..kwn2 cute n hot stuff..ahha,,ak ni kn pemalu ckit..so..ssh la nk dpt kwn baru..once dh dpt borak,memg best..hehe..just borak la..bkn plu pun dorg tu..hmm

sorg tu ak knal kt swim pool..lme dh ak nmpk dia..hehe..slalu tgur2 "hai" je..hhehe..kli ni..oleh sbb dia xtrn pool dgn kwn2 dia..so,ak bnyk la borak dgn dia..hahha..tngi dh same mcm ak.puteh lak tu..hhahha..

sorg lg..tngi gak..muda r ak..junior la..hehe..ak slalu nmpk mse park moto kt kolej je..tp one day..ak dtg booth 'silat recruitment' kwn ak..t'nmpk la mamat tuh..haha..so,ak pun borak2 la skali..hehe..klo nmpk dr jaoh..mcm sombong..tp,ok je dia tuh..hehe..so,sjk tu..klo t'serempak dia kt mne2..akn slg bertegur la..haha..

thirdly..most important..ak bljr utk kawal emosi ak ckit2..klo dh jtuh cnta dan dh tau yg cnta xkn berbls..so,smpan jela dlm ati..lme2 perasaan tu akn ilang s'diri..hee...thnx guys..:)..

bye..salam.:)