...mencari hikmah...

Assalamualaikum semua..
harap sume sehat...dan same2 lah kte doakn agar dimudahkn urusan utk menjumpai pesawat MH370 tu..hmm..sayu dan sebak ak ikuti kes tu.:(

neway, entry kli ni bkn nk citer psl kes tu .sbb bnyk lg org yg lbh layak utk kupas hal2 tersirat kes tu..hmm..

spti biasa,ak cume nk citer psl hidup ak..especially idup dunia PLU ak..hmm..sbbny,cni jela tmpt ak leh citer pjg2 tnpa diganggu org..huhu..(lgpun ak tau,xde sape yg bce..)..

satu hri,di penghujung hari bekerja, ak t'dgr lagu dr kumpulan Papinka-Masih Mencintainya...ntah cmne,ak jtuh ati lak kt lagu tu..haha..(ak ni mmg suke lagu2 cmtu..haha)..w/pon pd hakikatny,ak xpnah bercinta dan xpenah ad org yg mencintai aku..haha..huhu..

dan ntah cmne,ak rse ad tarikan pd lgu tu yg wat ak teringat sume kesah2 silamku spjg ak bersama dgn perasaan PLU ni..huhu..

dipendekkn citer,ak rse ak mmg idup mengikut arus yg ditentukn Allah..huhu..sjk kecik,smpai la skrg:-
- perjalann idup ak dlm sebuah fmili yg sedrhana...
- dikurniakan segala pancaindera yg lgkap..namun,tidak la sehebat org2 laen yg ad klbhn...
- dianugerahkn perasaan yg xde pd org laen..:(
- dihtr ke skolah agama utk m'pelajari kehidupan yg tersirat dan tersurat...
- dipukul..dipulaukn dr kwn2 sbb ak PLU
- bljr berthn utk trus idup...
- berhijrah dan cuba utk meninggalkn perasaan lama..
- kesunyian tatkala melihat mereka berbahagia..
- pernah berputus asa utk menerima hakikat diriku..
- berdikari dan cuba bangkit utk menerima diri ak yg sbnr...
- bljr berubah utk kebaikan diri ak...
- dan ahirny, ak mmpu tersenyum utk kehidupan lahiriah aku...
- tp,belum mmpu berbangga utk perasaan dan kehidupan roahni ku..hany Allah yg tau.;(

maka benarlah,setiap ketentuan Allah ad hikmahny...dan ak telah ditakdirkn utk sesuatu - utk berkhidmat pd mereka yg lbh memerlukn..klo dlu ak rse sungguh terhina,skrg ak merasai nikmatny...mmpu memiliki dgn sendiriny..

terasa bangga sbb sudah bnyk ujian yg mmpu ak tempuhi....namun....ak msh gagal utk tempuhi satu2ny ujian yg ak rse sgt berat..yg sering m'pengaruhi idup serta keputusanku....

"Betapa sakitnya apa yang ku rasa
Tuhan kuatkanlah hatiku yang terluka" - Papinka

"Jauhhh
Ku berharap
Kembali kau pada ku
Akhiri penantian ku" - Alif Satar

"And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl" - A Great Big World

"Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too....
...Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead" - Adele

"meski ku rapuh dalam langkah
kadang tak setia kepadaMu
namun cinta dalam jiwa
hanyalah padaMu" - Opick


hmm, ble di bnding dgn org len,ak mgkin xla sebertuah mereka..yela,ak ni xensem...xlaku pon.x charming pon..xsweet pon...huhu...

org len ad p'alamn2 dan citer menarik utk dikongsi,..tp,citer2 ak mgkin x sebgus citer dorg..mcm mne ak wat pon,ak ttp keseorangan....xpenah ad yg menemani time ak tempuh ujian2 dlu..dan mgkin xkn ad sape2 yg akn temankan ak utk seterusny...

ape2 pon,ak kne kuat..atau sekurg2 ny berpura2 kuat.kerana (as i said), ak dilahirkn sbg ujian utk diriku dan ujian utk org laen...= dan ak hany liability..

- semoga ak menemui hikmahny nti...ya Allah,bntulah hmbaMu ini..amin..-
sungguh ak letih...

"...bimbinglah dan terimalah aku seadanya..."

Salam dan smoga epi sume org..

Sjk ahir2 ni ak rajin lak post entry bru..tp mgkin xlme lg,ak akn jrg update or mungkin ak akn biarkn blog ni tanpa di edit pon...ad org tkot bce blog ak sbb citer psl PLU.huhuhu..w/pon blog ni xde unsur lucah,ad gak ssstgh org yg ckp blog ni x baek..

Yer,ak pon ngaku,ak xbaek..huhu...ak wat blog ni utk luahkn ap yg t'buku dlm ati ni..especially hal2 PLU yg mmg ak x mmpu nk citer kt sape2 dlm dunia realiti..ni jela tmptny..

Bkn niat utk m'buat org jd jht..cume nk share citer..dan klo ad post2 yg baek,leh la dibuat p'ajarn..hmm..

tp, hakikatny,ak ttp akn dituduh jahat jugak..sbb ak PLU..:( satu hakikat yg dlu salu ak nafikan)...sampai terasa rendah diri dan rse diri ni x gune..huhuhu..ssh nk ckp perasaan itu..sbb xde sape yg akn fhm pon..hmm..

Tmbhan pulak,tiap ap yg ak wat sume salah wei..huhuu..xde ap pon yg btul..hmm..

Satu perkara yg ak sgt nk share yg ak ni pon ad perasaan nk berubah..penah cuba utk berubah..bkn la ak sengaja pilih utk jd PLU..xpenah ad niat tu..huhu.sape suke??sakit emosi dan mental klo jd PLU ni..especially ble kte ni Muslim..hmm..

Tp,ble lme2 ak mendalamai ttg keindahan Islam,ak sdar,ad hikmah ny ak jd PLU..dan islam x skejam utk menghukum sume PLU..tp,kte sbg PLU la yg kne pndai..sungguh indah Islam memandang pesalah2 dan penjenayah2..t'masuk lah cara Islam memandang PLU2 yg sekurg2ny ad kesedaran utk berubah 

Bnyk citer psl org yg nk brubah dan akhirny berjaya berubah utk seketika...tp,bnyk gak ak dgr kegagalan mereka utk berubah lps kawen..huhu..itu la yg plg ak tkot..tkot klo ak menduakn isteri ak dgn laki2..huhu..

Ade yg mmpu b'ubah sbb dorg ad nafsu pd pempuan gak..klo mcm ak ni,xtau la cmne..skrg,ak btul2 kesunyian.ak xpnah ad bf..xpnah ad steady prtner..skdr jmpe org dan rgn2...klo heavy pon mmg ad p'lindungan..scr jujurny,mmg ssh utk ak suke pd pempuan..ak tkot..tp dlm mse yg same,ble ak sunyi,ak t'ingin sgt belaian sorg laki2..

ak mungkin xmmpu utk ubah scr m'dadak..tp ak hrp sgt,klo ak dpt s/one yg leh guide ak utk berubah..yg leh jage ak..maybe dia laki2 or pmpuan..who knows kn?hmm

seandainy dia laki2,sekurg2ny ak dpt kurgkn aktiviti yg lbh berisiko..ak tau itu pon x btul.tp sekurg2 ny dpt mengurangkn kenakalan pon satu kejayaan bg ak....mgkin rmai yg xstuju..tp,ia mgkin lbh baek dr ap yg ak lalui skrg..krn,ak bkn m'jadi gay ats pilihan ak s'diri...perasaan itu ad sjk kecik lg..sblm ak tau pape psl dunia ni lg..

ak pon tkot..konfius..tp biarlah idup ak m'ikut arusny dlu..i wish i'll find s/one who cud guide me to change..dan ak hrp dia leh terima ak seadany...

Wassalam...........

Hapuskanlah Perasaan Ini

Ya Allah..rse luluh ny ati ni..

p'alamn yg same b'ulang lg..penantian ak msh belum berakhir..

ak xmmpu nk tulis post ni dgn baek sbb ak mmg tgh sdeh gler skrg ni..sori ye guys..
tp,ni je la tmpt utk ak citerkn suke dan duka ak..sbb xde sape kt dunia raliti yg tau ap dlm ati ak..betapa emosi ak sgt perlukn pimpinan dan p'hatian..agar ak mmpu utk truskn kehidupan..

sape2 yg penah bce blog ak,msti dh tau ap p'alamn ak yg lps2..yg salu sunyi mahukn teman..yg sering cinta ku ditolak ats sbb2 yg ak s'diri pon xpsti..

scra rgkas,ak knal sorg chater kt tenet..abg tu yg add ak dlu..dan kami ber chat..dr lmn sosial ke hp sosial medium..

hmm.tiap2 mlm ber chat..share mcm2..dan dia pon suke nakal2 ble chat..ak lak suke mnja2 time chat..

spjg dia chat dan lyn ak tu,ak sangka dia tgh m'cr s/one spesel gak sbb ak ckp kt dia,ak nk cr s/one spesel..so,klo dia lyn ak smpai cmtu,mmg ak agk dia pon ad niat yg same la..

tbe2 ntah cmnne mlm ni,satu alasan yg xkn ak lupe selamany di nytakan oleh dia:-
"I'm not thinking of having r/ship with anyone for d moment...i guess u better find s/body else who has doz thinking"....

hncur ati ak bce tu..dia ptt ckp awal2 ttg tu..dan bknny b'maen perasaan dgn ak cmtu..adoi..sakitny aku...sakit wei...ak tau korg sume mgkin xrse cmtu..tp,cayela..itu sgt menyakitkn...

salah ak ke yg m'hrpkn ksh syg dia?slh ak ke yg lyn dia sgt??atau,adakah ak tidakk sempurna spt bks psgn ny dlu?

arghh...ak xsuke cmni...ak bnci..ak bnci jd diri aku..astaghfirullah...

Ya Allah,tlg la hapuskn perasaan ini kerana ak pon ingin bahagia...ak pon ingin kn p'hrgaan dan ketenangan..maafkan diriku yg xsempurna ini..

(tersedu2 nafas aku mlm ni)

...I'll find someone like u...

Hi everyone..

this time, i wud like to write my entry in English for other readers fr other races cud understand d content (if there are any..haha..i dun think there are..haha)..s/times people might not understnad my other posts including mlys since i used some jargon mly terms..hehee..

as usual, i will post my next episode of my life here..(of course la..this is my blog maa..hahaa)..

neway, i just re-online my PR since i didn't hear any news fr my 'spesel s/one'..huhuh..so,i kno one person there..hehe..(my notty tot was reactivated dat time..hehehe)..but d more i know n chat with him d more i know dat he is a nice person (even though he is notty s/times actually..hahaha)..

but bear in mind guys,i just happen to kno him only within 1 week time..hmm,who knows dat he might be some bad guys..hahahahha..kidding bro..haha..owh b4 forget, he is a Chinese guy..wow..hahaha..

i just remembered my experience having some r/ship with a chi guy b4..he was very nice to me n romantic too..:)..he picked me frm my house (since i was a studen who has no money or t/port dat time)...and sent me back to home...it was evening of d day.he brought me for a dinner..he allwed me to choose d place n wat type of food to eat..hehe..i m not dat 'pisau cukur' who will take advantage over some kindness..hehe..so, i just chose a very simple n nice place for dinner..

then, i cud hear 'azan mghrib' (call for evening prayer)..so i told him dat i need to perform my prayer..he understood my condition as a malay Muslim..hehe..he brought me to one of the prayer places and waited for me outside..i was afraid dat he might ran away and leave me there..but i didn't happen luckily..:)...

we met several times and i was so comfortable with him..since then, i kno dat a chi guy is more romantic n nicer than a malay guy..huhu..so sad...huhuhu..

ok,back to our main story line..hehe..diz chi guy frm PR asked my pic (as e/one does)..actually i m a bit afraid to give some face pic since i m discreet n i m not dat hot compared to him lor..huhuhu..

but i traded my pic and he traded his too..hmm..wow guys, he is too way so handsome n hot..hahahahaha..seriously..hehhe...

time goes by and we chated almost every night until i asked bout r/ship...sex preference and alike..i just kno dat he has s/one currently in progress..arghhhhh...damn..hahaa..missed my chance again..

i'ts ok, coz at least he has told me bout dat n being honest..huhuhuhu..and i m used to it..hmm..i cud kno frm his words,languages dat he is a nice person compared to others that i've ever known...hmm..i did ask whether he will cheat his future bf..and diz was his words:-
"if I got him, no (cheat)"
"I really into diz guy"
"he is my type and he willing to continue with me"
"hard to find s/one like him"

wow..i m touched..hahaa..hhuhu..i wish s/one cud say doz words to me..dat he is into me and he loves me just d way i am..huhuhu..

this guy deserves for happiness..i wish him for a happy days ahead with his future bf..and i wish for s/one to appreciate me as dis guy does for his future bf..huhuhu..

quoting words frm a femes song:-

"...Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too..."

even though i might not kno dis guy completely but i kno he is a gud person..and i wish dat his future bf wud appreciate him as mush as dis guy loves him..arghh..wat a romantic story to tell..hmm..

neway, it's not my love story..hahaa..huhu..just to express dat i share d feeling of dis couple..waaaaa..hahahaha...(b4 my tear drops,i shud end diz entry..huhu)

so, i guess my turn is not come yet.and i still hoping for it...and back to reality maaa..hahaha..

a nice song for u guys below 'akhiri penantianku' plz end up my endless waiting..hmm:-
Bye and Happy Chinese New Year..:)

plz say something,I'm giving up on u

Assalamualaikum sume..

Pekabar sume?hrp epi la dgn org2 tersyg..:)
hr ni cuti pjg sempena Tahun Baru Cina..hehhe..
rmai ak tgk g bercuti n mcm2 lg..kebetulan,adik ak pon br jer bertunang smlm..hmm
ape lg,seakan ad perasaan sebak,tkot n malu dlm ati nih.hmm..yela,adik dh nk kawen,ak ni x kawen2 lg..hahaha..sdeh wei..

pape pon,kembali ke realiti,sorg abg yg ak knal dkt 3-4 bln lps dh mula mendiamkn diri...in fact, dia xpnah msj ak lg pon..setiap kli,ak je yg msj dia dlu..dia xpnah nk msj ak dlu..hmm

for intro,ak knal abg tu secara xsengaja kt sebuah event..ntah mcm mne,ktorg rse serasi w/pun klo nk diikutkn,bkn la spt yg ak idamkn..tp,oleh sbb mse tu dia pndai jage ati ak,ak jd syg kt dia.
mse 1st month, ak g umah dia..amik dia..g jln2..hmm..kdg2 pnat r gak..tp,klo dh syg,ak sangup wei..uhuhu..

msk bln kedua,ak msj,dia kate dia bz..xleh jmpe..sgt2 bz..ad outstation dbsgnya..so,ktorg skdr bermsj jer..

msk bln ketiga,msj pon dh jrg..ble ak msj,lmbt dia bls..tp,xpela.aslkn dia bls..ak sgt rndu kt dia time tu..:( ...sjk ak jmpe dia,ak tekad,ak xnk cr org len dh..hmm..smpai la satu mse,ak sgt rndu kt dia..ak g area umah dia snyap2..ak msj,dia ckp dia xde kt umah..ak sdeh wei..smpai ati dia ckp cmtu jer...ap la slhny klo dia suh ak tgu dia kjap sementara dia blk..huhuhu...ak blk dr umah dia..mmg sdeh..ckit pon dia x rse sian kt ak..x hrgai ak..

esok ny dia msj n mntk maaf..ak pon,ok jela..ak xsuke gadoh2..dan ak mmg dh syg kt dia..huhuhu..
oleh sbb dia kate dia bz,ak xkco dia dh..ak xmsj dia dh..seminggu skali jer ak msj..dan setiap kli,ak jela yg msj dia dlu..tany kabar..huhuhu..

smpai la satu tahap,ak ckp 'ak xmo dh tany dia bz ke x..' biar la dia yg msj ak klo dia nk jmpe ak..ntah mcm mne,dia htr msj pjg mntk maaf....hmm

ak ni lak s/one yg mudah melted ble ad abg2 mntk maaf n bg ayat2 manis..huhuhu..xpela..ak mengalah jela...

dan slps peristiwa itu,xde ap msj pon dia htr kt ek..tnay kabar pon tidak..ak pon dh mls nk msj dia,w/pon ak sgt rndu kt dia..:( sdeh wei..

ak xhrpkn duet or bnda2 mhl dr dia..ak cume hrp nk jmpe dia lg..nk lepak dgn dia..nk share citer dgn dia.nk mnja2 dgn dia..tlg la msj ak n tany hal2 ak...spt mne ak salu tany dia dlu..hmm..ya Allah, ap kah perasaan ini yg ko uji kn ke ats aku..hmm..

plz,say s/thing coz i'm giving up on u..:(

Keabadian Cinta???

Assalamualaikum sume...

skali lg ak cuba adakn mse utk menulis ..sdgkn bnyk gler kje kt ofis..dan ak bwk blk pulak kje2 tu..hahaha..

Ok la..skdr nk recap ap yg dh ak wat utk ahIr thn ni..hmm..rseny,ak lbh bnyk g knduri member2 n sedara mara..mklum la sjk cuti skolah pjg bermula..hehe..rmai la yg mendirikn msjid n mahligai bhgia mereka..

hmm..xdpt dinafikn,tiap kli g knduri..msti akn terbit rse terharu n sedikit sdeh dlm ati ni..huhu..mcm la ak yg kawen kn?haha..bkn ap..cume rse epi utk mereka..sbb,ak tau,ak xmmpu utk jd mcm dorg..haha..adeh..sdeh lak rse..

klo korg tgk post ak yg lps,ak ad citer psl kesah sorg PLU kt Ganu..mmg sdeh..dan rmai yg kate sdeh (rmai ke yg bace?haha..)

pg sbtu lps,ak t'dgr lagu nynyian sorg penyanyi laki yg tjuk ny adlh spt tjuk post ni..dr jaoh ak dengar sayup2 dr khemah knduri slh sorg jiran ak..rse2 ny rmai yg dh tau ttg 'dark side' penyanyi tu.hmm..

satu2 lirik ny ak cuba fhm btul2..mse tu terdetik gak, agkny,ad pape mksud tersirat atau p'alamn dia yg cuba dismpaikn ke?hmm..ntah la..ak dpt rsekn,mse dia nyanyi lgu tu,dia seolah2 tgh epi gler..sbb ad org di sisi dia..syg dia..:)haih..untung ler..hahaha

Back to realiti..ak msh berperang dgn diri s'diri..ble g mne2 knduri jer,msti org akn tany.."ble lg turn ko?"..hmm..sabar jela..nk wat cmne..tp plg sdeh ble tgk air muke mak ak berubah ble org tany cmtu..ap dia nk jwb?btul x?

mmg ad gak rse t'ingin nk jd normal,ad fmili..ad anak laki yg cute..:) ..hehe.tp,xtau la cmne nti..kn?

hmm..kdg2 rse fobia nk g knduri kawen..hahaha..ntah la wei..smpai satu tahap,ak pnah terfikir nk cr pmpuan lesbian je..sng citer..msg2 wat hal  s'diri..kawen tu skdr nk ttp mulut org jer..tp,mne leh cmtu.huhu..ntah la..

pnah gak ak berdoa,mntk ad 's/one spesel' dtg dlm idup ak..laki2 ke pmpuan ker.biar la...aslkn dia yg tu mmg ditakdirkn utk jge ak nti..huhuhuhuhuhh..

bg kwn2 atau sape2 yg knal ak kt alam nyata,xkn perasan pon ksdehan ak ni..haha.(mklum la,dh biasa idup dua alam).hmmm.tp,hakikatny,ak nk sgt menangis..mengadu pd org yg bnar2 leh fhm ak..

sambil2 tu,jom la dgr lagu kt bwh ni..enjoy la bg mereka yg tau hrgai idup ni..ok?..
SELAMAT TAHUN BARU..w/pun bg ak,setiap mse adlh same jer..

Terima Kasih Ganuuu

Salam sume..

Pekabar la agkny korg sume kn??haih..lme ak xupdate post2 kt cni..mklumla,kdg xde mse..kdg xde mud..kdg xde line..hahhaha..

kli ni,cume nk citer  psl p'alamn ak g Ganu bru2 ni..ak g sane ats urusan kje..tp,smbil menyelam tu,minum air gak..haha..ak g dgn ofis mate..tp,duk bilk asing2..huhu..

so,ble mlm2..sorg2..dlm bilk otel..hmm..korg tau la kn,ap yg jd...haha..ok la,dipendekkn citer, ak knal sorg PLU yg duk berhmpiran dgn otel ak..mse tu,dia msj ak dlu kt grindr..then,dia dtg jmpe ak..ktorg just borak2..dan xde heavy2 pon..:)..

mse tgh borak2 tu,mcm2 ak tany..psl bf dia dan kehidupan PLU dia la..sbb dia tu lg tua dr ak..so,bnyk la p'alaman..lgpun,ak sgt suke dgr citer2 cnta org len ni..hahaha

citer ni ak duk smpaikn kt org/PLU len yg ak knal..sbb bg ak,sgt best dan ad p’ajaranny..mmg sgt menusuk kalbu..huhu

dan dia pun bercerita:-

“ak dlu ad sorg bf..dkt 7 thn knal..sjk zmn kt uni lg..ktorg amik kos yg same,duk sebilik  (2 org satu bilik)..

Sebenarny, mse mula2 knal, bf ak tu str8,bkn PLU pon..ktorg just rapat as rumet jer..mmg xlbih..tp dia ni sgt baek..kdg2 basuhkn bju ak yg ak rendam dlm baldi..ad gak mseny dia tlg sidaikn n amik bju2 aku..

Dr situ,ak rse dia sgt baek..mmg terpikat kt dia,tp dia str8 la..mne dia ad perasaan suke kt laki kn?

Satu hr,dia tgh baring2 kt katil dia..smbil tgk blue str8..mse tu,ak pon join skali..smbil2 tu,ak lancapkn dia..dlm keadaan dia yg stim n terangsang tu,terpancut r air dia..Lps keadaan tu,ak trus ditendang..hbs ak  jtuh katil..dia trus kuar n mandi..dan pstu trus tdo..

Eskny dia x tgur ak pon..ktorg dh mula x bertegur sapa..ak rse sgt bersalah n nyesal..tiap2 hr ak msj dia mntk maaf..tp dia xpnah bls msj ak n xpnah b’ckp dgn ak..

Keadaan dh berubah,dia cume blk ke bilk utk tdo jer..wktu2 laen, dia kuar dr bilk..mmg la sdeh,tp nk wat cmne..

Smpaila satu mlm, ak tgh wat kje2 aku kt dlm bilk tu..tiba2 dia tany: ‘ko free x?ak nk bncang ckit dgn ko’..mse tu ak agk terkejut la..tkot pon ade..

Dia ajk g mkn kt slah satu cafe asrama ktorg..mse tu dia tany mcm2..ak skdr jwb dgn jujur ttg ‘sape ak sbnrny’..mse mlm tu gak la ak mntk maaf lg skali dan dia maafkn aku..ktorg berkwn semula setelah hmpir 2-3 minggu gak dia jaohkn diri dr ak..dia kini dh tau yg ak ni PLU..

Tp,bnyk lg persoalan dia yg belum t’jwb dan satu hr,dia tany ak ttg cara idup PLU ni..cthny,cmne PLU dpt psgn..zmn tu,PR br nk mula naek..so,mmg tu jela antara tmpt yg femes nk knal2 PLU laen..pstu, dia tany ttg cara idup ak dgn PLU2 laen..

Ak jujur ckp kt dia yg slaluny ak akn kuar weekend n duk umah member PLU len. Sambil2 tu dia duk perhatikn ak bermsj2 dgn kwn2 n skandal2 PLU ak..mse tu la dia dia suh ak dgr dia nk ckp s/ting kt ak..

‘ak nk ckp ckit ni, hmm..smpai ble ko nk jd cmni?cr laki2 laen utk sex..ko tau kn ap efekny?ko lbh tau sbb ko bljr ttg tu..smpai ble ko nk idup cmni?’

Mse tu,ak mmg terpaku..mcm2 ak pikir..mmg terasa la ap yg dia ckp tu..pstu dia smbung lg kata2 dia kt ak:

‘ak syg ko as kwn ak..dan ak xsuke tgk ko rosakkn diri ko..ap kata klo ak jd bf ko..tp,ak bkn nk sex..klo setakat mnja2 tu leh la..tp kt luar,xyah r nk tnjuk2 sgt..’

Ap tah lg..mse tu ak terdiam hbs dh..ak dgr je dia sambung lg..

‘dan dgn syarat,ko dh xjmpe mne2 PLU dh..ak xnk ko kuar dgn PLU2 len dah’

Bertmbah konfius ak dgr kate2 dia tu..dan mcm2 gak ak pikir..’leh ke ak tglkn dunia PLU ni?’ak dgn slumber,tany dia:- ‘ap jaminan yg ko xkn curang dgn ak?’

Dia pon jwb:- ‘ak xtau cmne PLU berkomunikasi utk cr sex..dan ak xde access utk sume bnda dunia PLU, so..ak mmg xknal mne2 PLU pon..ak suke ko,sbb ko je yg pnah sentuh ak dan sbb ak syg ko as kwn’

Mlm tu,ak berterusan memikirkn kate2 dia td..dan eskny, ak cuba utk bg jwpn kt dia:

‘ko amik la sim kad ak ni,ko buang atau tlg la patahkn..ak xmo dh jmpe spe psni..ak akn ikut nasehat ko dan ak hrp ko leh syg ak n jage ak..’

Mmg sebak gak ak nk wat keputusan tu..sape sangka, sorg PLU mcm ak ni pon ad org syg..ak tekad utk syg dia sorg..xmo dh iikut PLU2 len.

Dan sejak itu,idup ak mula berubah..sume kwn2 PLU ak buang..xde lg akaun PR n xde lg nombor2 PLU laen..bersyuykr sgt ak dpt dia..

Semakin hari,semakin rapat hbgn ktorg..ak knal fmili dia,dan dia knal fmili ak..ktorg dh mcm adik badik dh..

Hbgn ktorg kekal lame..dan kli ni,ktorg kne wat praktikal (houseman kt hospital)  pulak..ak sengaja ikut ke mne dia pegi,even ikut dia wat praktikal kt negeri dia..mse time praktikal,dia dh bertunang..dan ak rapat gak dgn tunang dia tu..

Bagi kami,xde mslh utk bertunang atau kawen..hbgn tu akn teteap ade..tp,mgkin dgn cara yg agk berbeza la..yg pnting,kami msh bersama..

Satu mlm, ak ditugaskn utk jage shift mlm kt hospital tmpt ak wat houseman tu..time tu,sume staff dikejutkn dgn satu kes emergency (accident)..ktorg sume ready utk emergency kes tu..

Alangkah terkejutny ak mse tu,slh sorg mangsa tu adlh bf ak s’diri..mmg luluh ati aku..mmg x terkata la..ak la org yg wat sume prosedur utk selmtkn dia..tp,sume tu dh t’lmbt..huhu..mmg sdeh..dan hany air mata yg bercucuran..aku la gak yg uruskn jenazah dia..

Rmai kwn2 praktikal ktorg tau yg ktorg ni mmg rapat sjk bljr lg..(cume dorg xtau ktorg ni psgn bf)..tunang dia pon dtg dan menangis teresak2..aptah lg mak dia yg ak anggap mcm mak ak s’diri.

Dekat 7 thn ktorg bersama..dan itulah satu2ny bf yg ak sgt syg mpai hr ni…”

Itulah citer dr mamat tu..mmg mse tu ak dh sdeh dh wei..sebak dada ni ak dgr..bila dia blk dr otel ak..ak cuba utk tdo..tp mmg xleh..

T’ingt pd citer dia..dan m’bygkn diri ak sbg dia..perlahan2 air mata ak menitis..kate2 bf dia mmg t’ngiang2.. “smpai ble ko nk jd cmni?”..seolah2 bf dia tgh ckp dgn ak cmtu..huhuhuhu..hina n yak….huhu..

Ak menangis meraung dlm bilk otel tu sorg2..perlahan2 ak solat sunat n berdoa kpd Allah..mmg ad niat utk berubah,.tp lum tntu ak mmpu berubah sepenuhny.. insyaAllah,perlahan2 ak akn cuba kurgkn aktiviti PLU ni..huhuhu