"...bimbinglah dan terimalah aku seadanya..."

Salam dan smoga epi sume org..

Sjk ahir2 ni ak rajin lak post entry bru..tp mgkin xlme lg,ak akn jrg update or mungkin ak akn biarkn blog ni tanpa di edit pon...ad org tkot bce blog ak sbb citer psl PLU.huhuhu..w/pon blog ni xde unsur lucah,ad gak ssstgh org yg ckp blog ni x baek..

Yer,ak pon ngaku,ak xbaek..huhu...ak wat blog ni utk luahkn ap yg t'buku dlm ati ni..especially hal2 PLU yg mmg ak x mmpu nk citer kt sape2 dlm dunia realiti..ni jela tmptny..

Bkn niat utk m'buat org jd jht..cume nk share citer..dan klo ad post2 yg baek,leh la dibuat p'ajarn..hmm..

tp, hakikatny,ak ttp akn dituduh jahat jugak..sbb ak PLU..:( satu hakikat yg dlu salu ak nafikan)...sampai terasa rendah diri dan rse diri ni x gune..huhuhu..ssh nk ckp perasaan itu..sbb xde sape yg akn fhm pon..hmm..

Tmbhan pulak,tiap ap yg ak wat sume salah wei..huhuu..xde ap pon yg btul..hmm..

Satu perkara yg ak sgt nk share yg ak ni pon ad perasaan nk berubah..penah cuba utk berubah..bkn la ak sengaja pilih utk jd PLU..xpenah ad niat tu..huhu.sape suke??sakit emosi dan mental klo jd PLU ni..especially ble kte ni Muslim..hmm..

Tp,ble lme2 ak mendalamai ttg keindahan Islam,ak sdar,ad hikmah ny ak jd PLU..dan islam x skejam utk menghukum sume PLU..tp,kte sbg PLU la yg kne pndai..sungguh indah Islam memandang pesalah2 dan penjenayah2..t'masuk lah cara Islam memandang PLU2 yg sekurg2ny ad kesedaran utk berubah 

Bnyk citer psl org yg nk brubah dan akhirny berjaya berubah utk seketika...tp,bnyk gak ak dgr kegagalan mereka utk berubah lps kawen..huhu..itu la yg plg ak tkot..tkot klo ak menduakn isteri ak dgn laki2..huhu..

Ade yg mmpu b'ubah sbb dorg ad nafsu pd pempuan gak..klo mcm ak ni,xtau la cmne..skrg,ak btul2 kesunyian.ak xpnah ad bf..xpnah ad steady prtner..skdr jmpe org dan rgn2...klo heavy pon mmg ad p'lindungan..scr jujurny,mmg ssh utk ak suke pd pempuan..ak tkot..tp dlm mse yg same,ble ak sunyi,ak t'ingin sgt belaian sorg laki2..

ak mungkin xmmpu utk ubah scr m'dadak..tp ak hrp sgt,klo ak dpt s/one yg leh guide ak utk berubah..yg leh jage ak..maybe dia laki2 or pmpuan..who knows kn?hmm

seandainy dia laki2,sekurg2ny ak dpt kurgkn aktiviti yg lbh berisiko..ak tau itu pon x btul.tp sekurg2 ny dpt mengurangkn kenakalan pon satu kejayaan bg ak....mgkin rmai yg xstuju..tp,ia mgkin lbh baek dr ap yg ak lalui skrg..krn,ak bkn m'jadi gay ats pilihan ak s'diri...perasaan itu ad sjk kecik lg..sblm ak tau pape psl dunia ni lg..

ak pon tkot..konfius..tp biarlah idup ak m'ikut arusny dlu..i wish i'll find s/one who cud guide me to change..dan ak hrp dia leh terima ak seadany...

Wassalam...........

Hapuskanlah Perasaan Ini

Ya Allah..rse luluh ny ati ni..

p'alamn yg same b'ulang lg..penantian ak msh belum berakhir..

ak xmmpu nk tulis post ni dgn baek sbb ak mmg tgh sdeh gler skrg ni..sori ye guys..
tp,ni je la tmpt utk ak citerkn suke dan duka ak..sbb xde sape kt dunia raliti yg tau ap dlm ati ak..betapa emosi ak sgt perlukn pimpinan dan p'hatian..agar ak mmpu utk truskn kehidupan..

sape2 yg penah bce blog ak,msti dh tau ap p'alamn ak yg lps2..yg salu sunyi mahukn teman..yg sering cinta ku ditolak ats sbb2 yg ak s'diri pon xpsti..

scra rgkas,ak knal sorg chater kt tenet..abg tu yg add ak dlu..dan kami ber chat..dr lmn sosial ke hp sosial medium..

hmm.tiap2 mlm ber chat..share mcm2..dan dia pon suke nakal2 ble chat..ak lak suke mnja2 time chat..

spjg dia chat dan lyn ak tu,ak sangka dia tgh m'cr s/one spesel gak sbb ak ckp kt dia,ak nk cr s/one spesel..so,klo dia lyn ak smpai cmtu,mmg ak agk dia pon ad niat yg same la..

tbe2 ntah cmnne mlm ni,satu alasan yg xkn ak lupe selamany di nytakan oleh dia:-
"I'm not thinking of having r/ship with anyone for d moment...i guess u better find s/body else who has doz thinking"....

hncur ati ak bce tu..dia ptt ckp awal2 ttg tu..dan bknny b'maen perasaan dgn ak cmtu..adoi..sakitny aku...sakit wei...ak tau korg sume mgkin xrse cmtu..tp,cayela..itu sgt menyakitkn...

salah ak ke yg m'hrpkn ksh syg dia?slh ak ke yg lyn dia sgt??atau,adakah ak tidakk sempurna spt bks psgn ny dlu?

arghh...ak xsuke cmni...ak bnci..ak bnci jd diri aku..astaghfirullah...

Ya Allah,tlg la hapuskn perasaan ini kerana ak pon ingin bahagia...ak pon ingin kn p'hrgaan dan ketenangan..maafkan diriku yg xsempurna ini..

(tersedu2 nafas aku mlm ni)

...I'll find someone like u...

Hi everyone..

this time, i wud like to write my entry in English for other readers fr other races cud understand d content (if there are any..haha..i dun think there are..haha)..s/times people might not understnad my other posts including mlys since i used some jargon mly terms..hehee..

as usual, i will post my next episode of my life here..(of course la..this is my blog maa..hahaa)..

neway, i just re-online my PR since i didn't hear any news fr my 'spesel s/one'..huhuh..so,i kno one person there..hehe..(my notty tot was reactivated dat time..hehehe)..but d more i know n chat with him d more i know dat he is a nice person (even though he is notty s/times actually..hahaha)..

but bear in mind guys,i just happen to kno him only within 1 week time..hmm,who knows dat he might be some bad guys..hahahahha..kidding bro..haha..owh b4 forget, he is a Chinese guy..wow..hahaha..

i just remembered my experience having some r/ship with a chi guy b4..he was very nice to me n romantic too..:)..he picked me frm my house (since i was a studen who has no money or t/port dat time)...and sent me back to home...it was evening of d day.he brought me for a dinner..he allwed me to choose d place n wat type of food to eat..hehe..i m not dat 'pisau cukur' who will take advantage over some kindness..hehe..so, i just chose a very simple n nice place for dinner..

then, i cud hear 'azan mghrib' (call for evening prayer)..so i told him dat i need to perform my prayer..he understood my condition as a malay Muslim..hehe..he brought me to one of the prayer places and waited for me outside..i was afraid dat he might ran away and leave me there..but i didn't happen luckily..:)...

we met several times and i was so comfortable with him..since then, i kno dat a chi guy is more romantic n nicer than a malay guy..huhu..so sad...huhuhu..

ok,back to our main story line..hehe..diz chi guy frm PR asked my pic (as e/one does)..actually i m a bit afraid to give some face pic since i m discreet n i m not dat hot compared to him lor..huhuhu..

but i traded my pic and he traded his too..hmm..wow guys, he is too way so handsome n hot..hahahahaha..seriously..hehhe...

time goes by and we chated almost every night until i asked bout r/ship...sex preference and alike..i just kno dat he has s/one currently in progress..arghhhhh...damn..hahaa..missed my chance again..

i'ts ok, coz at least he has told me bout dat n being honest..huhuhuhu..and i m used to it..hmm..i cud kno frm his words,languages dat he is a nice person compared to others that i've ever known...hmm..i did ask whether he will cheat his future bf..and diz was his words:-
"if I got him, no (cheat)"
"I really into diz guy"
"he is my type and he willing to continue with me"
"hard to find s/one like him"

wow..i m touched..hahaa..hhuhu..i wish s/one cud say doz words to me..dat he is into me and he loves me just d way i am..huhuhu..

this guy deserves for happiness..i wish him for a happy days ahead with his future bf..and i wish for s/one to appreciate me as dis guy does for his future bf..huhuhu..

quoting words frm a femes song:-

"...Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too..."

even though i might not kno dis guy completely but i kno he is a gud person..and i wish dat his future bf wud appreciate him as mush as dis guy loves him..arghh..wat a romantic story to tell..hmm..

neway, it's not my love story..hahaa..huhu..just to express dat i share d feeling of dis couple..waaaaa..hahahaha...(b4 my tear drops,i shud end diz entry..huhu)

so, i guess my turn is not come yet.and i still hoping for it...and back to reality maaa..hahaha..

a nice song for u guys below 'akhiri penantianku' plz end up my endless waiting..hmm:-
Bye and Happy Chinese New Year..:)

plz say something,I'm giving up on u

Assalamualaikum sume..

Pekabar sume?hrp epi la dgn org2 tersyg..:)
hr ni cuti pjg sempena Tahun Baru Cina..hehhe..
rmai ak tgk g bercuti n mcm2 lg..kebetulan,adik ak pon br jer bertunang smlm..hmm
ape lg,seakan ad perasaan sebak,tkot n malu dlm ati nih.hmm..yela,adik dh nk kawen,ak ni x kawen2 lg..hahaha..sdeh wei..

pape pon,kembali ke realiti,sorg abg yg ak knal dkt 3-4 bln lps dh mula mendiamkn diri...in fact, dia xpnah msj ak lg pon..setiap kli,ak je yg msj dia dlu..dia xpnah nk msj ak dlu..hmm

for intro,ak knal abg tu secara xsengaja kt sebuah event..ntah mcm mne,ktorg rse serasi w/pun klo nk diikutkn,bkn la spt yg ak idamkn..tp,oleh sbb mse tu dia pndai jage ati ak,ak jd syg kt dia.
mse 1st month, ak g umah dia..amik dia..g jln2..hmm..kdg2 pnat r gak..tp,klo dh syg,ak sangup wei..uhuhu..

msk bln kedua,ak msj,dia kate dia bz..xleh jmpe..sgt2 bz..ad outstation dbsgnya..so,ktorg skdr bermsj jer..

msk bln ketiga,msj pon dh jrg..ble ak msj,lmbt dia bls..tp,xpela.aslkn dia bls..ak sgt rndu kt dia time tu..:( ...sjk ak jmpe dia,ak tekad,ak xnk cr org len dh..hmm..smpai la satu mse,ak sgt rndu kt dia..ak g area umah dia snyap2..ak msj,dia ckp dia xde kt umah..ak sdeh wei..smpai ati dia ckp cmtu jer...ap la slhny klo dia suh ak tgu dia kjap sementara dia blk..huhuhu...ak blk dr umah dia..mmg sdeh..ckit pon dia x rse sian kt ak..x hrgai ak..

esok ny dia msj n mntk maaf..ak pon,ok jela..ak xsuke gadoh2..dan ak mmg dh syg kt dia..huhuhu..
oleh sbb dia kate dia bz,ak xkco dia dh..ak xmsj dia dh..seminggu skali jer ak msj..dan setiap kli,ak jela yg msj dia dlu..tany kabar..huhuhu..

smpai la satu tahap,ak ckp 'ak xmo dh tany dia bz ke x..' biar la dia yg msj ak klo dia nk jmpe ak..ntah mcm mne,dia htr msj pjg mntk maaf....hmm

ak ni lak s/one yg mudah melted ble ad abg2 mntk maaf n bg ayat2 manis..huhuhu..xpela..ak mengalah jela...

dan slps peristiwa itu,xde ap msj pon dia htr kt ek..tnay kabar pon tidak..ak pon dh mls nk msj dia,w/pon ak sgt rndu kt dia..:( sdeh wei..

ak xhrpkn duet or bnda2 mhl dr dia..ak cume hrp nk jmpe dia lg..nk lepak dgn dia..nk share citer dgn dia.nk mnja2 dgn dia..tlg la msj ak n tany hal2 ak...spt mne ak salu tany dia dlu..hmm..ya Allah, ap kah perasaan ini yg ko uji kn ke ats aku..hmm..

plz,say s/thing coz i'm giving up on u..:(