...negative influence...

salam hi sume..hrp sehat salu...dan bahgaia dlm rahmat Tuhan..amin...

ak mntk maaf klo ak ni salu jd pengaruh buruk dlm idup korg...mksud pengruh buruk tu adlh perkara2 negatif la...eg: salu negative thinker...salu citer bnda2 negative kt blog ni..salu gune harsh words and negative words time chat or bls komen..lagu dlm blog pon sdeh2 n negative ajer..haha...

bkn ape,sbnrny ak pon xtau cmne d negative side tu very influencing dlm diri ak..haha...tp ak pnah citer dlu few thinks yg m'jadikn aku hr ni...antaranya dlu salu rndah diri..low self esteem coz rse ak ni xkaya..xensem..xpndai..but alhamdulillah la still ad duit...dan blh la bljr smpai hbs u..kikiki..cume bab ensem tu xkn t'capai kot..hahaa..

oh ye,lately ni ad few things happen kt fmili ak..biasa la,fmili ak mgkin x mcm korg yg salu epi..hahaa..yg ad great fmili leader utk dijadikn teladan ble kte dh ad fmili nti..(klo ad la in future)..hahha...dipendekkn citer,starting march 2015, ak kne pikul t/jwb bsr utk tlg my own fmili...dan mcm2 ikhtiar ak kne pikirkn so dat ktorg sume akn back to rite track...(mne satu ntah yg rite track nye..haha)..hmm...mkn pkai adik2...other things related will be under my responsibility..mgkin ni la hikmahny ak x mmpu nk kawen lg skrg..kikiki....

oleh sbb pkr2 cmni gak,ak rse xde perasaan ble org tny: "how are u?"..ak xde mud nk jwb sbb ak xrse ak blh jwb soklan cmtu..haha..then ak akn either senyap or bls with smiley.. ngee :p..or say 'alhamdulillah'....to me,klo ak ckp 'ok'..mcm x reflect my true condition aje...dan klo ak jwb 'tak ok'...nti org kate ak x b'syukur pulak..ntah la..ssh bg ak nk jwb soklan tu skrg..haha..

lgpun,klo ak jwb tak ok..i will tend to tell all d bad stories and how i feel lately..if u see me dpn mata,i wont show d negative side...i wont express my true conditions (in terms of personal matters)..sbb tu ak kdg suke luahkn true blog..fb..wechat...dan maybe to my plu frens dlm tenet ni haa..haha..

tp ak fhm,if i keep tell d bad things,nti org akn bosan nk chat dgn ak..so,ak try utk kurgkn share doz things in private chatting..hehe...cumenyer kdg to hide my true conditions/feelings ak akn gune harsh words or harsh jokes..guna utk perli2 org len..hhaha....so,end up akn ad yg akn rse yg ak ni sombong...dan ad yg akn terasa ati..haih..mcm2..haha..

plus,klo ak citer pon doz stories,xde sape blh tlg pon...it will back to me myself to settle my things...ak sakit ke..ak sehat ke..ak sdeh ke..ak epi ke....sume tu ak puny perasaan yg ak kne tanggung..haha....noting wud change d fact dat i m a lonly plhiv...noting wud change d fact dat i hve to bear d big responsibilities...yg ak s'diri pon mmpu nk terima hakikat2 tu..haha..

conclusion: Maafkanlah aku if i ever had d negative influence to you guys...i do appreciate your visit to my blog....but trust me,noting spesel here... :)

p/s:hr tu ak amik cuti g tgk cd4 (white blood cell count)..and i just realise yg d same week (end of March) is my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with HIV..hmm...s/ting which shouldn't be remembered but i can't just simply throw d memory dow...hahhhaa..so, epi anniversary to me!!!...yeayyyy,,nk hadiah..hahhaahhaa :p

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Reveal

Assalamualaikum..
pekabar sume?lme gak rsenya ak x post pape entry..
few weeks lps ak sakit mata..pning2..so xleh ngadap lptop sgt..haha...
sblm updet blog ni,ak sempat bce few blogs laen yg ak follow..bnyk nyer ak dh miss..haha..
ad gak yg citer psl plu love.haha....yg dah lme m'duda/m'janda..yg br nk cr psgn..sume ade citer..kikiki..

ok..entry kli ni ak dpt ilham dr mak ak...ble 1 day recently dia ckp: kte x kaya pon xpelah...asalkn sume org sehat...hmm..

mse tu a bit t'sentak la ble dia ckp cmtu..nak jer ak ckp.."along x sesehat org laen..ad virus dlm diri ni!!!!"..arghhh......sebak dada time tu wei..huhu....

sbnrny,ak xtau cmne nk bg tau mak n fmili ak psl ak ni..huhu...dan adkh perlu ak reveal kn?ntah la..skrg ni,ak tgh kumpul kekuatan dan prepare in case dorg dpt tau tetibe..hmm..who knows,dorg akn terima ak or x...arhhhhhh...

1) Reveal to famili

dlu mse mula2 kne..mse tgh duk meroyan2...ad la gak t'pikir nk reveal...but ak xsanggup nk hancurkn ati sume org...so,ak xbg tau..dan bit by bit ak cuba la gak utk terima hakikat ni dlu...

then,ak join support grup coz ak nk mula idup bru kononny...plus tmbahkn ilmu ttg hiv ni..alhamdulillah,bnyk gak ilmu ak dpt...lgpun,mne la ad org nk fhm plhiv klo tdak plhiv jugak kn...i bet,korg sume pon xkn fhm..haha...

so,among doz members in d grup, ad yg kate,better jgn reveal kt fmili klo lum ready...coz nti klo ad pape jd,tkot ak xmmpu nk handle..ad gak di klgn dorg yg dh reveal..tp end up dorg rse mcm xperlu pon bg tau...dan setiap kli klo dat member kuar mlm2 ke,fmili dia akn sound dia..reaction fmili dia lbh kurg: "haa,ingt tu bala dh kne pon xsdar2 lg...blk mlm2..etc.."...pd hal mamat tu kuar minum2 ajer..haha..ntah la..no komen...

hmm...smpai skrg,ak xreveal pon...just b'ati2 klo sakit.cpt g jmpe doc..amik ubat bgai...pd hal dmam biasa je pon..haha...

oh yer,bru2 ni ak sign up dgn amik takaful coverage...ad 2 jenis ak amik: medical n investment link...penama/beneficiary, ak ltk under nme mak ak..sume tu bkn ny utk ak sgt..tp utk preparation klo pape nti,at least ak ad s/ting utk diberi..mklum la,ktorg pon bknny berada sgt..haha..

plus,bnyk gak kebaikan takaful ni..try la sign up mne2...tp pastikn takaful k...insyaAllah halal,xde riba..:) ..cewah,pomot takaful pulak...haha

2) Reveal to some persons

ok,yg ni pulak adlh misi ak utk cr few plu members yg dh lme x contact ak or few of my skul frens (yg blh dipercayai) dan reveal kn status ak..tujuanny adlh utk ak jujur pd diri s'diri n jujur pd dorg...klo pape jd pon,at least ad la jugak kwn2 yg blh tlg time tu...eg. infomkn fmili ak ke...etc..ntah la..huhu..

so,ak belek2 la no hp dorg ni..tetibe ak t'nmpk satu no...nme dia nick (bkn nme sbnr)..i remembered pnah few times kuar mkn dgn dia..dan last meeting was in Feb 2014..mse tu 1 month b4 ak di diagnosed with hiv..

pnah la jugak ak t'pikir nk knal2 dia n mgkin truskn hbgn as prtner ke...but it was dlu la sblm ak di diagnosed..huhu..

so,ak pon try text dia..say hi n tny kabar....few days later dia bls...but dia mmg x save no ak pon..(as usual la..sape yg nk save no ak ni ha..hahaha..)..so,ak introduce blk diri ak..then dia pon ingt...he was shocked coz ak tetibe msj dia..

dia tny gak..npe ak tak msj lme sgt....he waited for me to text him..dia ckp cmtu la..kdg auta je abg2 ni...ssh nk fhm..huhu...then ak cume ckp yg ak snyap for 1 yr plus tu utk fokus pd kerja n stay away frm plu life..haha..bulshit gler alasan.. pd hal sbnry,time tu ak tgh duk meroyan2 n nk mulakn s/ting new kononnya...huhu..dan mse tu ak xnk kontek sume kwn2 plu ak yg pnah ak knal coz ak xmo misrep kt dorg...haih..as if mcm nk ilangkn diri la..huhu..

ak pon trus tny dia blh ke nk ajk lpk2 lg klo free?..then dia ok jer...whenever dia free..hmm...btw,dia pon s/one yg bz sgt...(sume plu yg ak knal mmg sume nyer super duper bz...mcm ak xbz,tp xpnah bg alasan cmtu..huh..)...

tetibe dia ckp,u nk date dgn i ke??mak aih soklan cepumas tul...haha....sbnrny, as i said ak nk jmpe dia coz nk lpk2..tny kabar n share bout my status...dan klo dia dh xnk n tkot nk kwn dgn ak,so ak bla la...delete trus no dia ker..kikiki..tetiba dia tny cmtu..haha..

ak pon bls yg ak mmg pnah ad dat feeling..but tgk la nti cmne..dlm ati rse srba slh pon ade..huhu..wat if klo dia xnk kwn pon dgn ak klo dia dpt tau my status?huhu..

dijadikn citer,ktorg pon plan nk jmpe..1st,ak ajk dinner..tp disbbkn mse dia yg sgt bz..dia tuka hr n mse...but,ak kne pick up dia kt lrt stesen coz dia br blk dr o/station...dia infom la kul bpe dia landed kt klia...

tp,a night b4,ak msj lg tny jd x nk jmpe..dia x reply...nmpk watsapps online..but no reply....ak stick to d plan dan tgu dia early...tp xmuncul2 jugak dia..ak try call..msj.."mgkin dlm flight kot.." ak pikir..

dkt 2 jam ak tgu br la dia bls : "i dun think i can make it today. my sis n family will be at my mum..really sorry.."

wow...hebat sungguh....xsian kt ak langsung ke?huhu...klo btul pon dia nk cancel,bg tau la awal2 on d nite b4..huhu...haih..guys,dia ni bknny bdk2 dan bknny br nk jmpe 1st time..ktorg dh knal lme..few times dh kuar lpk2..tp xsangka lak blh jugak ak t'kne lg..huhuhu...

sdeh ak rse...ap truk sgt ke ak ni?hina sgt ke ak ni?ap xde value langsung ke ak ni?huhuhu....sedaya upaya ak appreciate org...sopan dgn org...(especially abg2..kikiki)..tp,cmni lah yg salu jd..ak muak..pnat...agkny klo dia tau status ak,konfom la trus x kontek dh kn?..mmg ak xkn dpt pape pon dlm dunia plu kot..ntah la.....arghhh...

korg sume (especially abg2) jgn la wat org len cmtu...klo xnk,xsuke,ckp awal2....dan hrgai org len mcm mne kte nk org len hrgai kte..huhuhu....idup ni mcm roda...ble2 mse kte pon akn berada di bwh...

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