"being myself is a weakness,looking to myself is a shame,knowing myself is a failure.."

Followers

Saturday, 28 March 2015

...negative influence...

salam hi sume..hrp sehat salu...dan bahgaia dlm rahmat Tuhan..amin...

ak mntk maaf klo ak ni salu jd pengaruh buruk dlm idup korg...mksud pengruh buruk tu adlh perkara2 negatif la...eg: salu negative thinker...salu citer bnda2 negative kt blog ni..salu gune harsh words and negative words time chat or bls komen..lagu dlm blog pon sdeh2 n negative ajer..haha...

bkn ape,sbnrny ak pon xtau cmne d negative side tu very influencing dlm diri ak..haha...tp ak pnah citer dlu few thinks yg m'jadikn aku hr ni...antaranya dlu salu rndah diri..low self esteem coz rse ak ni xkaya..xensem..xpndai..but alhamdulillah la still ad duit...dan blh la bljr smpai hbs u..kikiki..cume bab ensem tu xkn t'capai kot..hahaa..

oh ye,lately ni ad few things happen kt fmili ak..biasa la,fmili ak mgkin x mcm korg yg salu epi..hahaa..yg ad great fmili leader utk dijadikn teladan ble kte dh ad fmili nti..(klo ad la in future)..hahha...dipendekkn citer,starting march 2015, ak kne pikul t/jwb bsr utk tlg my own fmili...dan mcm2 ikhtiar ak kne pikirkn so dat ktorg sume akn back to rite track...(mne satu ntah yg rite track nye..haha)..hmm...mkn pkai adik2...other things related will be under my responsibility..mgkin ni la hikmahny ak x mmpu nk kawen lg skrg..kikiki....

oleh sbb pkr2 cmni gak,ak rse xde perasaan ble org tny: "how are u?"..ak xde mud nk jwb sbb ak xrse ak blh jwb soklan cmtu..haha..then ak akn either senyap or bls with smiley.. ngee :p..or say 'alhamdulillah'....to me,klo ak ckp 'ok'..mcm x reflect my true condition aje...dan klo ak jwb 'tak ok'...nti org kate ak x b'syukur pulak..ntah la..ssh bg ak nk jwb soklan tu skrg..haha..

lgpun,klo ak jwb tak ok..i will tend to tell all d bad stories and how i feel lately..if u see me dpn mata,i wont show d negative side...i wont express my true conditions (in terms of personal matters)..sbb tu ak kdg suke luahkn true blog..fb..wechat...dan maybe to my plu frens dlm tenet ni haa..haha..

tp ak fhm,if i keep tell d bad things,nti org akn bosan nk chat dgn ak..so,ak try utk kurgkn share doz things in private chatting..hehe...cumenyer kdg to hide my true conditions/feelings ak akn gune harsh words or harsh jokes..guna utk perli2 org len..hhaha....so,end up akn ad yg akn rse yg ak ni sombong...dan ad yg akn terasa ati..haih..mcm2..haha..

plus,klo ak citer pon doz stories,xde sape blh tlg pon...it will back to me myself to settle my things...ak sakit ke..ak sehat ke..ak sdeh ke..ak epi ke....sume tu ak puny perasaan yg ak kne tanggung..haha....noting wud change d fact dat i m a lonly plhiv...noting wud change d fact dat i hve to bear d big responsibilities...yg ak s'diri pon mmpu nk terima hakikat2 tu..haha..

conclusion: Maafkanlah aku if i ever had d negative influence to you guys...i do appreciate your visit to my blog....but trust me,noting spesel here... :)

p/s:hr tu ak amik cuti g tgk cd4 (white blood cell count)..and i just realise yg d same week (end of March) is my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with HIV..hmm...s/ting which shouldn't be remembered but i can't just simply throw d memory dow...hahhhaa..so, epi anniversary to me!!!...yeayyyy,,nk hadiah..hahhaahhaa :p

Telah ku buat
Dirimu menangis
Jahat ku jahat
Menyakiti hatimu

Maafkan aku cinta
Maafkanlah salahku
Sungguh aku menyesali
Telah buatmu terluka

Maafkan aku cinta
Jangan kau tinggalkan aku
Ku mohon padamu
Maafkanlah aku