"being myself is a weakness,looking to myself is a shame,knowing myself is a failure.."

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Sunday, 16 March 2014

Realistic + Fear + Hope - Optimistic = Failure + Hopeless + Disappointment

Salam n hi sume...tjuk entry kli ni m'gunakan kaedah matematik..sbb ad org suke mate..so,hrp2 leh fhm la formula tu..huhu

pg ni,alhamdulillah ujan trn kt most of M'sian states...dan sume org epi..x dinafikn, ak pon suke ujan ni..tp,ujan kli ni, spt memahami ap yg br je berlaku kt ak..spt menzahirkn rse simpati kt ak..atau mgkin menyindir ak ats ap yg berlaku..huhu..

as usual,ak knal dgn s/one dlm fb..nme dia:  _i_ _ l..dan dia mmg m'jadi rebutan rmai la.huhu..klo nk bndingkn dgn ak,mmg mcm langit n bumi la wei...huhu...

ak xtau mne dia dpt fb ak..tp dia yg add ak dlu..dan trus ak chat/inbox dia....ak simpan lg inbox yg bertarih 23 hb tu...

dr situ,ktorg knal2 dan mmg ak xsngka dia ni ramah org ny..cuime kdg2 kasar ckit..haha..mklum la,jantan sejati kateny..hahhaa..

tiap kli ak online,ak msti tgk inbox n tgk fb dia..nk tau ap updet dia..plus,dia duk jaoh dr umah ak.so,ak cume tgk fb dia jela utk updet...1 day, dia post yg dia akn kje kt kl..perh!! mse tu mmg terbeliak gak la mata ak...hahaha....mcm xcaye jer..hahha..tp,mustahil la dia akn ajk jmpe pon..sbb ak rse,rmai lg yg lbh lyk n minat dia ni..huhu..so,as usual,ak xmo la b'hrp pape..(ak ni,dh la mudah berhrp dan mudah kecewa..huhu)...

stlh agak lme berchat kt fb,dia mntk wechat id lak..so,lg mudah la nk chat..knal2...ad gak ak mntk no dia..tp,dia xkn bg kateny..dia lbh rela call org drpd org call dia..so,xpela..bg jela no hp..ble2 dia free,dia call la...

and he did call me..several times..tp,ktorg cume chat psl idup masing2 jer...dan adkala dia gurau2..haha..biasa la,'nakal'2 tgh chat tu..hahaha..

so,as usual..tiap2 pg ak akn online n tgk chat dia..hehe..jd rutin pulak..dan ak mula knal member2 dia kt area umah dia..dorg dh knal lme la..ad gak r rse dengki..haha..tp,sapela ak nk dengki2..dia pon pnah ckp yg sakndal dia call dia..so,mse tu,mmg ak rse mcm xde hrpn la..huhu...

spjg chat,ktorg gurau2..ad gak ak puji member dia...haha..sje gurau2 sbb sbnrny ak nk tau reaksi dia..huhu...(titpikal la tu..klo dh desperate sgt..huhu)..dan dia mcm wat xtau jer..so,i guess,mmg xpela kot ak gurau2 cmtu..

dia call ak pg smlm...dan borak2 mcm biasa...pstu ktorg smbung chat..ak gurau2 psl member dia yg ak xpnah jmpe pon...tbe2 dia kate: "ko asyik citer psl dia jer...xyah r chat dgn ak lg..."

ak trus terkaku..mmg ak xde niat nk kecikkn ati dia pon..ak pon konfius...t'detik dlm ati ak: 'dia ad perasaan kt ak gak ke?'..huhuuhu..ak tkot..ak konfius..ak mntk maaf kt dia bnyk kli..ak inbox fb dia..mlgny dia xbls pon..fb dia pon dh xde post2 yg ak leh view..sdeh wei....dia xbls pon inbox ak...

terasa bodohny ak ni...npela ak xtau..npe la ak xpnah perasan..npe dia xckp...sdgkn bnyk kli ak bg hint dlm bntuk gurauan..dan salu ak ckp; ak ni bnyk bnda kne bljr dlm bab r/ship ni..sbb ak xpnah ad bf pon..huhuhu...

ak xtau r klo dia bce entry ni..tp,ak hrp sgt dia leh bce n fhm aku...ak dh xtau nk wtpe..mkn pon ak skip seharian smlm..dlm solat,ak doakn utk dia supaya ati dia terbuka utk maafkn ak..'when i was sleeping he called me..we were laughing together...but when i woke up diz morning,i just realised; it was only a dream'..huhu..

luluh ny ati aku..(again)...dan ak rse sgt down sjk smlm...di kala ujan pon trn meraikan perasaan ak ni..huhuhu..sdeh wei..

"i fall in love with him frm d moment he pushed d 'add' button..i never doubt dat..but i m too scared to admit...afraid of s/thing bad happens and ruining all my hopes...huhu..i hve tried to be so careful whenever talk to him...coz i'm too afraid of being scolded or showing my true feeling to him....i'm realistic enuf to kno who i am..and he is much better than me...he has everything but i'm not..his life is full of joyful and not mine.. ...truly i'm scared...i've tried hard to get to kno him..piece by piece...but it may take some time for me since i've never being in a serious r/ship before..not even once,coz i kno who i am..coz i'm not lucky enuf to have dat specialty.. ..i'm not perfect but i will try harder to kno him..to kno his other pieces..to fix myself...plz..forgive me coz i dun kno wat else to do..and i dun hve other things to offer...except my tru apologize..plz forgive me...i'm truly sorry.."

dan skrg,ak hany hrp dia adpt accept ak dlm wechat dia blk jer...ak xkn kacau dia dan ak xkn berhrp pape dr dia..dpt tgk status2 dia pon dh cukup utk ak....huhu....

Ya Allah...ak tau ini ujian utk ak..dan ak rse ad hikmah ny..cume ak lum tau ap hikmahny..atau mgkin ak xlayak utk dia...sbb dia t'lalu sempurna...tlg la hapuskn perasaan ini ya Allah...:(


sori guys...my story ni xpenting utk p'bangunan ekonomi negara pon...huhu............