"being myself is a weakness,looking to myself is a shame,knowing myself is a failure.."

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Saturday, 11 February 2012

actual vs virtual / alam nyata lwn alam maya

salam guys

ntry kli ni mgkin pedas ckit sbb ak nk make things clear 4 certain querstions..haha...

1)nape blog ak psl plu n sdeh2 jer..

sbbny simple..ak nk luahkn my feeling yg tersembunyi kt sape2 yg rse dia tu plu=people like us..ak xde kwn2 actual yg kononny leh fhm perasaan ak..kt cni la ak leh luahkn feeling yg bg org kebnykn as haram..dan perasaan2 yg hany ati ak je rse..so wat?ni blog ak..suke ati ak la..klo korg xsuke..udah..xyah nk bace..ak tgk blog org pun bknny ad p'isian pun..share d same thing..sharing bnda2 yg korg suke wat..ak pun wat bnda yg same..cume ak ad 2 dunia yg berbeza..dan ak gunakan virtual world as to adres my weakside or darkside..coz..nobody out there believe dat i m so weak..ok??

2)nape ak down sgt ??

come on la..ak bnyk kli ckp..kt cni je ak down..i mean..ak nk luahkn pape..mostly,yg epi2 sume ak leh luahkn in actual..tp klo sdeh..no one shud no..coz i m not able to express dat side of my feelings..ak xtau nape..maybe sbb ak diajar utk tabah jer...TABAH...TABAH..TABAH...(sbb ap?ak ank sulong..ak ketua dlm organisasi..holding important post..n i m a gud student?leh berambus..ok)..pd hal dorg sume xpnah nk amik tau psl my feelings..so..kt cni la dat side of feelings..ak akn luahkn...FAHAM..???

3)my actual

kpd sape2 yg xpnah nk amik port pun..meh cni ak nk citer..in actual..i m look perfect..s/one yg ati tabah jer...politically,academically,in life or wat ever fields..i m holding few important posts...(alhamdulillah)..then to those yg nk berceramah jer...ak nk ckp yg ak ni dh bg ceramah dkt hundreds of people..as fasi..mentor..trainer..most of d audiences r students,teenagers,including prob tenagers,n tens of adults...sume ceramah psl self bilding...(wow,hebatny..haha)..

then with my non-looking gud appearance..ak ni dianggap s/one yg xtau malu..outspoken..xreti nk berimej tp sombong..haha..diiz r my actual...

tp in actual ap ak dpt ??no appreciation for helping doz ....am I inspired them?..d answer is maybe NO..sbb ap?..no one ever say doz magical words to me..(tq,plz,sory)..except for having certain awards from my campus n one people said:no one can replace u..haha..gud la tu..tp..ble ak xde dgn dorg..dorg xingt ak pun..same jer..melukut di tepi gantang..

4)my virtual..

oleh sbb ak pnat dh nk tnjuk dat i m strong (in actual)..ak try berblog..chating..dan sbgny...expresing my inner parts..dat i m so weak..i just want s/one to kno d real me..to apreciate d real me..huhu..is dat wrong???i m realy looking forward to kno thoz yg maybe ad s/ting hidden dlm diri dorg..haih..ssh tul nk ckp..

but at d end..same je..ak xrse pape pun..klo rse epi ke..sdeh ke..it all virtual..(wtpe nk epi or sdeh dgn org2 yg ak xpnah jmpe)..sia2 jer..leh berambus..then..kdg2 rse jeles..sbb some of thoz (yg kononny duk dgr my stories tu) ad medium len utk berinteraksi..pnah jmpe..ad fon numbers..ym..skype..fb..pr..wow...bgus tul tenet skrg..tp..nape among them tu..ak x termasuk???and to remind..dat jealousy feeling is virtual..haha..bulshittt...

pstu d same feelings apply..i m also not being appreciated in virtual..it makes me even down..VIRTUALLY..it hurts, but then it is BULLSHITTT..

5)nape ak slalu gn emotion sdeh :(

sbbny in virtuall..ak mmg sdeh..ok??even ak suke s/one (VIRTUALLY),tp ak xleh nk luahkn..haha..klo ak epi..ak pun xleh luahkn..abb ap...VIRTUAL je feelings tu....s/one yg maybe exist di ujung talian (lines) tp hakikatny cume jari2 n mata je yg mengexpresskn pape experiences or stories yg xde pape perasaan..haha..

6)conclusion..

i m different in actual...me in actual n virtual is not alike..xyah la nk bg ceramah2...ye..ak tau..ak tau..ak tau...it's all my choice utk pilh sape2 as my frens..(either in actual or in virtual)..tp mostly it was a wrong choice..hahahhaa..feeling bad to myself..i hate dat..huhu

and remmeber guys..diiiz feelings are all in virtual..not in actual..so..pegi mmpos..hahhaha...(w/pun dlm ati ni kdg2 rse nk nanges je..tp xgune..sbb xde sape yg peduli-sbb u guys are all virtual)

btw both world actual and virtual applies d same rule..dat is..both are MORTAL..hahaha...dat is s/ting to ponder..

so terjawab x pesoklan2?..huh..bengang tul ak..(virtually..haha)

i m quoting myself..from prev ntry:-

And meeting friends either in real or virtual if I have d chance
Sharing feelings and things that may not matter to anyone
Hoping someone will lend his ears or eyes stalking the tones
Dreaming someone will try to grab its theme and expression

For a while, I feel appreciated
Afraid of losing them who are so kind
But no changes have been fated
Since I am still alone waiting outside the line

Waiting for someone that won’t come
Confusing myself with the virtual feeling
Something that’s so temporary like foam
But with faith I am still wondering